Having Faith

Faith is not a commodity, we either have or we don't have -- it is an inner quality to that unfolds as we learn to trust our own deepest experience.  -- Sharon Salzberg, Faith

Recently I found my copy of "The Life Organizer: A Woman's Guide to the Mindful Year" by Jennifer Louden.  This it the first quote on the workbook part of the book.  I had to ponder the idea of "faith" for a minute before I realized how to make it work for me.

As a RUUist, I don't have faith in a deity.  I am what you'd consider a mindful, and (trying to be) peaceful atheist.  So, faith is a word I can have a hard time with.  But today, as I sat down to think about it, I really do have faith, it's just not the type that actual religious people have, which is usually to describe it as "belief without proof".  

So, what is faith to a RUUist?  Actually, it's the exact opposite of religious faith.  For one, I have faith in my husband.  I have faith in all he does.  I know he's an amazing writer and will definitely make it both the movie biz and the novel biz (he's a screenwriter with a few movies under his belt and a novelist).  I not only have faith he will make it because he has a work ethic and some amazing talent, but also because he's proven to get both published by a major publishing company (which was later pulled due the entire line of fiction being pulled) and he's got several screenplays that were made into short films.   Two, I have faith in his love for me because he proves it every single day, as I prove mine for him.

I also have faith my children.  If they set their minds to do something, they will achieve it.  They've shown me this time and again.  And I have faith they will keep this up and do great things one day (although they are doing great things just by existing <3).

I have faith in myself.  I know I can do great things if I would just apply myself (hmmm, I sound like every single report card I've ever received).   I know this, because I've proved this in the past, to myself.

But as you can see, for those of us who walked away from actual religion, we tend to put our faith in things that have proven to use that they are possible.  If my husband had never written a word and just started out, would I have faith he'd actually get someone to make movies out of his screen plays?  I'd hope, but that's not the same thing as faith.  Since people have made movies out of his writing already, I have faith there will be more in the future.

But having faith where there is no proof?

I don't even understand that concept.  

When my son wanted to make his own forge, I had no idea if he could do it.  I mean, he's made other things, but a forge is a pretty hefty idea.  I knew could probably do it, but have faith that he 100% could?  To be honest, I just was glad for him to have a project work on and hoped he would not destroy my brand new fire pit! LOL  I put no faith in his outcome, because it didn't matter to me if he actually made one or not (though I hoped he did, because he really, really wanted to).  But then he did.  And it worked.  And it was awesome!  So now, I have faith he can make anything he sets his mind to.  And he has made other things since, always following through until his goal is finished.  His brother has that same tenacity, and they both blow my mind daily with the things they can do.

Proof provides us the faith of another's (or our own) ability(ies). 

My ex-husband once professed his faith that we'd stay together forever.  He 100% believed we'd last (I think he was lying, but whatever LOL).  He put his faith into me where I did not deserve it.  I was not happy.  He knew I wasn't happy.  I told everyone I wasn't happy, including his own family.  But yet, he stuck that misplaced faith on our relationship for no good reason.  We fought like dogs: we yelled, we screamed, we swore, we were horribly mean to one another and yet he thought we'd last forever.  In what world does that show you the proof that you need in order to put your 100% faith into it?  He ended up with me moving out and him living alone for awhile.  If he would had been paying attention, he would have seen it coming and been prepared for it.

Be careful where you put your faith.  If you don't have any proof, then there is nothing to place it in.

Now with my second marriage, I can safely say I have faith we will last forever.  The proof is in the daily pudding: we don't fight, we might get annoyed and complain at each other or get grouchy, but we always talk it out, we always admit to our faults, and we always say we're sorry.  Not only that, we're both always evolving and changing together, which is why so many marriages fail: they evolve and change apart.  Now, what if we didn't last forever and I had put my faith into us?  What if he found a young hot blonde go run off with?  Well, a) that's not in his nature LOL and b) I'd eventually have to accept it.  Would I have been wrong to put my faith in our marriage?  No way.  Faith doesn't mean you're always going to be 100% right.  Nothing is 100%.

Because faith doesn't mean you should be attached to the outcome.  It just means you have applied the scientific method to your situation and come up the most likely answer which is supported by factual data.

The scientific method goes like this:

• A) you have come up with an idea and asked a question (Is he the right guy for me and will we last forever?) 
• B) did your background research (I did google him before we met to make sure he wasn't some crazy stalker or something LOL) 
• C) construct a hypothesis (yes, we get along pretty well, and will hopefully last forever, but let's test this out and see) 
• D) experiment (after 11 years of little ups and downs, we've leveled out and know each other pretty well and are BFF's) 
• E) analyze your data (we get along so well, love doing things together, we communicate instead of fight, we raise our kids on the same page, we support one another through everything, so yeah, I'd bet on us...it's a pretty sure thing) 
• F) communicate your findings ("hey sweetheart, we're staying together until we're old and gray and have walkers!"  "sure but you're 6 years older, so you'll get old first!" he'll say back to me...and he'd be right on that one LOL) and THEN you can put your faith into it.  

So while I can't predict the future, I'd say my marriage is safe bet.  My ex's bet was lost, because he placed all of his money on the wrong horse (neigh!) and didn't even stop to look around to see what his odds were.

Faith is an easy bet.  It's not even a gamble.  If it's a hard bet and you'll probably end up losing?  Don't put your faith into it. Just don't.  Just wait and see.  Do some more testing.  The scientific method applies to every single situation in your life, not just science (well, life is science, so maybe everything is always science??).  Ask a question, gather information, make an educated guess (not a blind guess!), then test the crap out of it.  I don't mean to force human beings to go through silly tests, just pay attention.  If you are sick, is the person there for you?  Or do they force you take your sick butt to go get your own meds while they play video games?  If you need help, are they always there?  Or are they always nowhere to be found or always have an excuse?  That's what I mean.

This doesn't apply only to relationships, but jobs, and life choices, and everything else in your life.  You can test out anything, if it doesn't work, that's fine.  But if it does, and consistently does?  That's when your faith is deserved.

There are no wrong choices, only experiences to be had.  But there are wrong things to put your faith into.  But if you feel comfortable and aren't paying attention, then you might get the rug pulled out from under you.

Why faith?

Because what you can honestly put your faith into you don't have to worry about.  You have to work at it, always, but you don't have to second guess it.  Knowing something doesn't mean you become attached to it.  It just means you don't have to wonder too much about it anymore.  You can just live in the knowing, and work to keep it going (hey, that rhymes!) because you know it's true (for as much as you can say anything is "true").  Because the scientific method told you so!  Ha!

So as RUUists, we put our faith into things that have proven themselves true to us, whether they are people, jobs, life experiences, etc.  We don't sit around and put faith into things that have no proof.  That's what organized religion is for.  And cults.  And that shiz?  That ain't for us.  We're "proofers" (not truthers!).  Show us the pudding, pull out the truth, and maybe we'll put our faith into it......




What have you put your faith into?  Have you ever put your faith into something only to lose it later?  If so, how did that effect you?  Or did you have it work out?  Tell me your stories below!