I created RUU in 2014 because I was done playing games with traditional religion.
I was a Lutheran as a child (baptized three times....it never took). I had a strong faith in my own version of god, but not in my religion. I never could quite understand the reason for hell, for one.
My family was not religious at all...my faith was entirely my own. I prayed to MY god every single night, even went to church on my own when I was older (picking apart the items I liked, and leaving what I didn't). Participated in bible school every summer. Wore a cross every single day, to signify my own private faith (not in Jesus).
Then at age 14, I found Wicca, although I didn't fully accept it as my "truth" until I was in my early 20's. At age 20 I was still dabbling with it, when I hit my head one night and ripped my forehead open pretty badly while practicing witchcraft. I knew mother's mean God was punishing me for going against him all of these years, and now to top it off I was a witch. What if hell WAS real, after all?
My head healed and I realized that Wicca was NOT devil worship and me hitting my head was just because I am clumsy and dove right into becoming a Wiccan. I was searching for something more than traditional boring Christian beliefs. And I was tired of all the damn silly rules people told me I had to follow. And the idea of punishment from a "loving god" just made my mind boggle.
But then Wicca turned out to have even MORE rules that being a Lutheran!! I stayed with it though, never really fitting in or actually believing in what I was doing. It was just going through the motions. I spouted the same information over and over and over again to people who asked about it. I felt like I was part of a club. But eventually someone looked at me and called me out on my shit. "WHY do you believe in this religion?" Well crap. I didn't have an answer to that. Did I really even believe it at all? To find out, no, not really.
So then I had a revelation and walked away from religion as a whole. I became a Humanist. And eventually an atheist. I thought religion was for suckers and it was stupid and dumb. I mean, hello? Its all superstition and silliness, right? And this turned me into an angry, angry atheist. And it made me turn away from everything I once was.
But after realizing that with atheism, most do not believe in anything at all, or even support the idea that something COULD be true (relative the person having the experience), I was kinda of bummed. I mean, I was a tarot reader for 26 years of my life, and I always helped people with my readings (I never claimed to be psychic, I just read what I felt), all of that couldn't had been a lie, could it? Or the spiritual experiences I've had in my life, which have been extremely powerful, all of that couldn't be a lie, too, right?
I had to sit down, reevaluate my beliefs (mainly non-beliefs) and figure out what exactly it was that I wanted from spirituality. Giving up everything I once held dear to my heart, didn't seem like the honest way to go.
So slowly, I worked my way back towards not being angry at the spiritual world for failing me so. Instead I sought out new answers, toyed with them, played with them, but never accepted them as 100% TRUTH. Because when we follow a belief, we become rigid, unmoving, and eventually we will be disappointed if we found it untrue. But just entertaining ideas in our minds? They can't disappoint us if we find them to be untrue, because we aren't attached to the outcome.
Immersing myself in everything I could read or watch in documentaries and the such....learning about every idea that could explain our existence equation was just plain thrilling! OR just how this crazy universe of ours works. And I feel more alive than I ever have! I no longer feel ashamed to say "I believe in this because....."
Because I just don't. Because I don't believe in anything at all. Now when someone asks me "What are your beliefs?" I say "I have no clue. I don't know the truth about anything when it comes to spirituality or religion. And isn't that amazing??!!"
I am like an explorer without a map, just winging it...and seeing what I find wherever I go!
And life is a BAJILLION-times more amazing than it ever has been!!
Armed with my inner compass, I just travel along, soaking up the universe wherever I go, entertaining ideas, thoughts, fancies, and ponderings.
As a Ruuist, I am a professional ponderer. I ponder ideas, and see if they "catch". If so, I entertain them more. If not? I will walk away, and seek another answer. Granted, as a human, I will never find ALL the answers, or possibly even none of them, but it won't stop me from trying. And it shouldn't stop you either.
Welcome, my friend, to RUU, the Religion of the Unexplained Unknown. Arm yourself with questions, thoughts, ideas and ponderings. But never, ever, fully accept you actually know the real truth behind the existence equation. But never, ever, stop trying to figure it out!
Now, what's your story?
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