Buddhism is the path of radical acceptance.
What do Buddhists believe?
According to buddhismbeliefs.org, Buddhists believe that life exists only for itself. There is no "meaning of life" other than to be happy. The entire religion is all about removing suffering, which is what the man who's called Buddha found out, after becoming "enlightened", and then started the entire movement. There are many reasons why a human suffers, according to Buddhism, the biggest one being attachment. So to combat this, they practice the idea of non-attachment, which means detaching yourself from either an outcome of a situation, a person, or anything else that is around you (true non-attachment is detaching from the outcome of everything, not just one thing).
What does it mean to detach from a person?
This is the one of the hardest things for people to imagine. Like "how do I detach from my spouse or my children? Doesn't that mean I don't love them?"
No way!
Detaching from a person is not removing yourself from them or their life or your love for them. It is removing yourself from the outcome of your relationship from them. It's also removing the idea that you two are two separate people. In attachment, according to About's Buddhism teacher, you need two things: you and what you're attaching to. Non-attachment comes from the wisdom that nothing is truly separate What is, is. You can't lose someone who was never yours to begin with. As human beings, we kind of claim ownership over those we know. We get jealous when they spend time with others or ignore us. We call them "our spouse/child/friend/family member/etc.", when in reality, they are not ours at all. If they move on without us, we cry, we scream, we fight, we feel like we're losing what was once ours. But when you adopt the idea of what Buddhists believe, you realize they were never "ours". Attachment means a type of ownership. Non-attachment gives those people the space and ability to be themselves, and gives you the space and ability to let go of any control you might think you have over them.
So basically:
Non-attachment = Giving up control
Which is exactly what radical acceptance is. You cannot control any outcome, so therefore if you let it go and give up that control, there is no reason to get upset or angry when something happens that is out of your control.
We humans want to control our lives, and we want to control how others affect our lives. But we can't.
Back in the day, my ex-husband used to try to control me and my husband through our children. He would get them every Friday night, and while he had them, he'd never make them brush their teeth, show them rated R horror movies with naked people in them, and let his wife's kids treat my kids like dirt. Every Saturday, they'd come home, tell me everything that happened, and I'd call him and scream at him for an hour. This went on every single week. He was making our lives a living hell.
Eventually, I had to learn: there nothing I could do about it. I did call child services about some things, but they were no help.
So I had to let it go.
The next time the kids came home, they'd tell me about what happened, and I just said "He won't listen to reason and you know how to brush your own teeth, do it or don't do it, it doesn't matter. As for the movies, you kids can walk out of the room. I am not calling him about it. As long as nobody is getting called names, or is getting hurt, there's nothing I can do to change what's going on over there."
Pretty soon, they stopped dreading going over there as much, and eventually found a way to get along with their kids. And my husband and I reaped the rewards of having happy kids. Now, things DID start happening eventually over there I could control and my ex ended up giving up his rights to the children, but the point is: pick and choose your battles--only try to control what you CAN control and as long as no one is getting hurt, just fix what you can from your end and leave the rest be.
Did I like the fact he was going against the rules on purpose by showing them rated R movies? No. But that's not illegal. So there was nothing I could do about it. I just tried to educate the children on what they saw, informed them to leave the room when possible (if they felt they had to) and that was it. Getting angry and yelling at him told him that he was winning this "control" issue. He WAS controlling me by pissing me off. So, when I stopped getting angry, the movies died down and he stopped caring so much and eventually stopped seeing the children all together.
All of this can be applied to every single situation in your life also. Your job. Your house. Your bills. Your everything.
If you can't control it, then why worry about it?
One more story: I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder, I have since I was born. So about 11 years ago I had to have surgery on my nose for a deviated septum. I'd had surgery once before, about 14 years ago, but that was emergency surgery. But this time I had time to prepare. So, how do you prepare with anxiety? You honestly can't.
But I did do one thing: I told myself "I can't control this, and being anxious now will not help. I will allow my anxiety to rise when I am being wheeled into the operating room". Even laying in the hospital bed, I was just complaining about being hungry. Being anxious when nothing is going on wasn't going to do me any good. Now, this was the one and only time I could control this....my anxiety usually won't listen to reason. But I ended up not having one bit of anxiety, until they wheeled me in. What was the point? I couldn't control what was going happen, and at that point, nothing was going to happen until I was in that room. So why fret?
It worked. But ask me to day if that would work, and I'd have to say probably not LOL But the next time you are scared, tell yourself "Don't be scared until I HAVE to be." When you have a right to be scared, then be scared all you want. There's nothing wrong with fear, when it's applicable. But beforehand? Tell yourself it's not worth it. Granted, if you have anxiety, it might not work, but for the rest of you, just try it and see.
So, today's Challenge #2:
Be like Frozen, and let it go. Let the outcome go. Just pick something you're worried about, acknowledge your feeling, and then let it fade away. Say "I can't control this, so why worry?" Let it go. Record your experience in a journal if you like. Sing the song "Let it Go" in your head if you like each time you do it. Just, do it. And see how much happier you can be when you realize: if you can control it, it isn't yours to worry about.
See you next Sunday! And this week, just let it go.
Read more here:
About.com Buddhism
Interesting interview about Buddhism
How non-attachment sets you free
buddhismbeliefs.org/
Religion Facts: Buddhism
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